Mixed feelings

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ROB VAN DAM, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN AND TRISH STRATUS

I don't know why this had to happen man... I worked for 6 straight hours on Saturday without even going for dinner break. To think that I haf been robbed of those precious 30 minutes to at least eat something and relief myself from all that stress... and it's NO THANKS TO THOSE CUSTOMERS OUTSIDE WHO ARE ONLY KEEN ON BUYING TERIYAKI CHICKEN BURGER MEALS OR SIMILAR, AND NOT SPARING ANY THOUGHT TO THOSE WHO HAF TO WORK LIKE MAD!!! Nobody even told me to go for break and I had no choice but to suffer in silence, suppressing my tears as I did CS for the last 1.5 hour (with my legs aching at a tremendous rate from all that walking and standing)... by the time my shift ended, I was so heartbroken and hurt I simply had no mood to eat anything, and thus I did a Jay Lim (i.e. I let loose my tears). Moreover, I already told Edwin I really cannot work this Wed and Sat due to BBQ outing and family gathering respectively, yet I worry that he might forget... or even worse, think that Im making this up and thus refuse to believe me. As a result, I lost a lot of sleep on that Saturday night due to these uncertainties. :'-(
In case u hadnt been figured out by now, I do haf an inferior complex, that is mostly why I dare not ask Adilah (the closing manager for that night) if I should go for break; I usually wait for someone to tell me to do so. U can say that I tend to follow the rules of the company too closely already. I don't hold it against Adilah for forgetting, neither do i blame Bonnie for not telling me... I blame myself for not asking in first place, due to fear that she would get angry and tell me to continue serving the insanely long queue.
Here's something that many people don't know about... it's also bcos of this inferior complex that I hadn't even been going for Youth Ministry for quite some time (it's not because of work, studies or even Singapore Idol). I don't feel ready to make a comeback, and I get this feeling that nobody really seems to care abt me anyway (I got a problem wif socializing wif the youths in church cos I really dunno what to share wif them). It doesn't help either that my inferior complex had alienated me from the other youths, preventing me from opening myself to those around me (which is why I resort to blogging instead cos that's the best way to express myself). If I haf to be honest, I might be changing church real soon... I might decide to rejoin my family back at PLMC.
I want to end off this entry wif a quote from the Bible to help me overcome this inner trauma...

PSALM 30

1. I praise you, LORD, for you raised me up and did not let my enemies rejoice over me.
2. O LORD, my God, I cried out to you and you healed me.
3. LORD, you brought me up from Sheol; you kept me from going down to the pit.
4. Sing praise to the LORD, you faithful; give thanks to God's holy name.
5. For divine anger lasts but a moment; divine favor lasts a lifetime. At dusk weeping comes for the night; but at dawn there is rejoicing.
6. Complacent, I once said, "I shall never be shaken."
7. LORD, when you showed me favor I stood like the mighty mountains. But when you hid your face I was struck with terror.
8. To you, LORD, I cried out; to the LORD I pleaded for mercy:
9. "What gain is there from my lifeblood, from my going down to the grave? Will the dust give you thanks or declare your faithfulness?
10. Hear, O LORD, have mercy on me; LORD, be my helper."
11. You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.
12. With my whole being I sing endless praise to you. O LORD, my God, forever will I give you thanks.