Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Moment of anguish and despair

Happy Birthday to Jackie Chan and Amanda

I should have been smarter, wiser, and more flexible in my thinking. I should have listened properly to what others tell me to do, esp if it's my family. But I did not.

I was foolish, confused, dazed and remorseful. I signed an agreement for a rather expensive fitness membership when I could have applied for a much cheaper common fitness membership for the gym around Hougang area. Now I have only myself to blame, biting my own dust...

Perhaps the others (most particularly that abomination) were right about me. I am indeed fat, lazy, stupid, useless and still jobless. I have tried time and again to fend for myself, yet I often end up losing the battle. I SHOULD HAVE SAID NO, BUT I DID NOT. I COULD HAVE BACKED OFF, BUT I DID NOT. None of this would have happened had I not been approached by that fitness consultant Mr SF last week. In the end, I have caused a lot of inconvenience to many people. I ended up being more hurt than I ever was. I am a disgrace to the people around me. The financial burden I now face is a price too great to pay. How I wish I could turn back time and prevent this conflict from ever happening. I think this is all part of God's will.

It would have been better if I had my right hand sliced off, just so I won’t need to worry about signing on the dotted line. Perhaps it would be even better if I could find a pistol and blow my own head off so I won't need to wory about making another stupid mistake again.

Yes, I may have been a member of California Fitness (6-month contract) under controversial means, but I don’t think I am satisfied with what I did. It’s no use crying over spilt milk. I hate myself for the mess I have gotten myself into. I seem to have inflicted a wound onto myself, an open wound that may never be closed. The only thing I can do is "punish" myself by going for rigorous exercise regimes to make sure I don't ever repeat a similar mistake in future.

Next time a random bugger approaches me out of nowhere, be it for insurance or fitness club, I MUST STAY AWAY FROM HIM/HER AND LEARN TO SAY NO!!!

Lord have mercy on my poor soul. Teach me to refrain from anger or hatred towards those who may have condemned me.

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